Twinge of Autumn
Yesterday, I felt a twinge of autumn in the air. It was a feeling more than a physical something I could point to as proof. We even had a small fire in the wood stove of our cabin because we couldn’t quite shake off the chill. But even that isn’t really proof, as from the notes I keep I can also tell you we had a small fire on July 4th as well.
Since to meet our electricity needs we utilize the sun to charge our household batteries through two PV panels, I can also tell you that the light is changing. We have our PV panels stationed on a wooden rack with wheels so we can track the sun as the day goes on, which is helpful here in the canyon where we live. Being able to move the panels throughout the day gives us fuller access to the sun. We have developed a close relationship with our panels and the sun through the seasons, which I feel deeply nourished by. I’ve said it before and I will keep saying it: living off-grid and without running water is harder work in some ways, but it’s work I would much rather be doing. It’s work that feels more satisfying and fulfilling. Work that has purpose and meaning and value. Work that feels connective. Work that feels like it’s moving me in the direction of the poetry of living, verses solidifying the sometimes soul-sucking logistics of life.
I consider it to be a good sign of growth in my spiritual practice to notice small changes and subtle shifts. Otherwise, it’s easy to go around thinking things happen suddenly or haphazardly or for no reason, which has never been a thing. There is winter in the sprigs of springtime. There is fall on the breath of summer.
I feel fortunate and grateful to live in the mountains of western Montana. I like living in a place that has distinctly different seasons. The change of weather here provides me with valuable lessons in impermanence that I appreciate. It’s so very easy to get stuck in habits and patterns of thought that are not serving us well. Easy to get stuck in beliefs that become obstructions to living a life filled with genuine joy, true love, and contentment. Easy to spend a lot of energy & effort into manicuring our every day so that we avoid looking deeper or feeling anything other than “fine.” I find it helpful to experience large noticable changes in the weather throughout the year. It puts me in closer touch with the reality of my own impermanence. The seasons here remind me that I too am always changing. I do not have a static self that is fixed and locked in place. I am aging, as we all are. I go through energy cycles, as we all do. I wax and wane like the moon (who will be full tonight by the way).
Living in the mountains of the north country is good practice in seeing more acutely how everything truly is of the nature to change. On July 31, my mom was here visiting from out of state. She and I went to the river to cool off. It was over 90-degrees. Within three hours of our river dip, the temperature dropped 30-degrees and the sun that had been blazing all day turned into a torrential downpour. Our rain gauge reported that we got 1.03 inches of rain in the span of an hour.
No one location on this amazing planet earth is for everyone, but Montana is for me. The woods also feel like home now. And this year we are planning to return back to wintering over here at home, versus head south as we’ve been doing for the past 5-years. I’ve missed the season of winter here. The season of hibernation and rest. It’s just not the same down south. For me, down south in the winter, something important is missing. So I am looking forward to wintering home this year.
The present moment contains the past and the future. The present moment is flowing like a river. Summer is still a thing happening in the here & now. And also. Winter is coming.
